Recapturing The First Love

For our reading in February we members of the ‘Bible 123 Reading Group’ were assigned the chapter on ‘Ephesus’ in Pope Francis’ book ‘The Letters to the Seven Churches’. We were to read through the chapter and be guided to ‘Recapture the First Love’. Here ‘the First Love’ refers to the love we had for God in the beginning. The nature of love, unfortunately, like that of wines, tends to either mature or sour. Like the Churches of Ephesus and Laodicea, we are advised to experience conversion and recover our initial fervor.

I found the chapter very thorough in meaning and had read it several times before I managed to grasp the message conveyed. I was most inspired by the reflection on this verse: 'So, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I am about to spit you out of my mouth.’ (Apoc 3:15 - 17)  

What does it mean to be neither cold nor hot? Is my love for God lukewarm? Have I not been doing God’s work? I felt puzzled. Not until I had reflected on a related Gospel verse did I realize the truth. It is about Judas reproaching Mary of Bethany for anointing Jesus with aromatic nard instead of saving the money for the poor. (John 12:1-8) 

Judas has an ‘idea’ about what must be done but it is this same idea that keeps him aloof from the living Jesus before him. His attitude is what Pope Francis refers to as spiritual bitterness. By contrast, Mary is correctly oriented by her love for Jesus. She is ‘the soul that adores on her knees and prays with her tears’.

Has the focus of my faith somehow been disoriented like Judas’? Over the past years, especially since my retirement, I have dedicated a lot of time and efforts to what I believe to be the service of God. My work as a Sunday school teacher, for example, does expose me to a lot of useful religious teaching materials. Of far greater use is the research work involved in my preparation for the talks associated with ‘the Bible in 80 Weeks Bible Course’. I also benefit greatly from sharing responsibilities with the other members of the Mong Ha Retreat Group. Has all this actually led to my faith enrichment? Is my relationship with God any closer?  

This would have happened, as I now realize, if my attitude had not been disoriented like Judas'. Probably owing to my long experience as a teacher, my chief concern is to get the message across. I delight at the discovery of good teaching materials and vivid illustrations to enhance the effectiveness of my lesson presentations. If my preaching has amounted to any success at all, it is at the great cost of a genuine relationship with Jesus. If I have been doing virtuous work at all, it is but the practice of what our Pope calls the “secondary virtues’.

I now understand how important it is to allow our first love to undergo conversion, which can be achieved only by concentrating on Jesus Christ alone. I will devote more time to medicating on the sufferings of Christ. May this be one of my Lenten reflections in this Holy Year of Mercy.